A bit of background - Part One

After losing my job last year, I have spent a lot of time exploring what my next career step should be daydreaming about what to do next. It was pretty obvious that I needed a change. After finishing my master's degree, I moved to Germany. I'd studied in Berlin for several years, and the lifestyle was attractive. I knew thought that if I stayed in DC, I could have found a museum or gallery job to keep my head above water. I figured I could do the same in Berlin - but with guaranteed healthcare and 6 weeks vacation.



Getting a job in art history proved harder than I thought. Funding is different here, and I frankly wasn't patient enough to live hand to mouth until I got a job in my field was scared shitless that I would have to go home with my tail between my legs. So, I took a job in HR at a company that needed native English speakers. I rationalized the move by telling myself that with a regular schedule, I could do art on the weekends and really enjoy the cultural scene in the city.

For 10 years, I did well in the field, earning more money each year, getting a degree, and slowly taking on more and more responsibility. My last job found me as the Head of HR for an IT company with 220 employees which was merging with 4 other companies - two in Germany and one in the US. It was my responsibility to "encourage" unwanted employees to leave, as German labor law pretty much prevents firing and lay-offs. As a bleeding hear liberal, I wasn't so good at getting employees with handicapped kids and over 20 years worth of service to abandon ship happily. Still, that is the job description.

At the same time as I was thriving in my unlikely career, I had less and less time and energy for the things that excite me the most in life. If full time employment left me exhausted, having a baby made me catatonic.

Last winter, I found myself fighting constantly with my husband. My son was getting more and more difficult to manage, and was wetting himself at daycare, although he had been out of diapers for over a year only knew a completely stressed-out corporate zombie. I couldn't sleep longer than 4 hours at a stretch. My weight skyrocketed, maybe from drinking just one glass of wine too many in order to "relax" in the evenings, or the chocolate I ate "for my nerves."

Eventually, my job was eliminated due to the merger (or maybe because I wasn't being "encouraging" enough). Although I still am not sure what the next year will bring and how we will manage the pressures of mortgage, expenses, etc., the layoff continues to feel like the best thing that ever happened to me. I cannot imagine going back to that lifestyle (if you can call it that).