It's another grey and rainy Sunday, which gives me plenty of time to be paint, and listen to NPR. There was a great report on a new book of short stories based on Smiths songs. They played a few classics for it, and I was immediately taken back to 1985. Yes, 1985 was right there, in my living room. My very first boyfriend gave me my very first mix tape with "Hand in Glove" on it. At the time, I concentrated on the lyrics "it's not like any other love, this one is different because it's ours" not "we'll probably never see each other again" (we didn't, he moved away). It isa bit painful - yet exhilirating and joyful - to think back on those heady, hormone-laced years of teenage dreams and angst.
Now off to ask Dr. Google whatever happened to that first love of mine.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Enjoying the silence
Why is it that I am 1000% more productive when I am alone in the house?
Part of me loves that both my husband and I work from home right now. The other part of me is going nuts. I suspect that DH's nuts/love ratio is around 10/1. There is really something to be said to having a room . . . or a house, of one's own.
Part of me loves that both my husband and I work from home right now. The other part of me is going nuts. I suspect that DH's nuts/love ratio is around 10/1. There is really something to be said to having a room . . . or a house, of one's own.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Absolutely love this bingo idea from http://www.secretsocietyofvegans.com/. The bad thing is, winning would come so quickly here in the land of the pork feast.
New Soft Friends
Finally, I've been able to put a few more of my soft friends on my Dawanda site. Having a photographer as a husband, I thought it would be easier to get good pictures of my creations. . . what is that old saying about the cobbler's children going barefoot? Enough said.
Only a little more gentle encouragement and I hope to be able to put up a whole slew of upcycled owls and lovecats to make the world a more colorful place. I love plaid animals! They seem to have that little bit of inner nerd (similar to their maker).
The importance of being ernest
Yesterday, I blogged about my cowardly way of becoming a vegan. It's a good thing that noone reads this blog, otherwise I am sure I would (rightly) get a lot of flack from the militant vegan crowd (they kinda scare me on the internet - it seems that animal loving people can sometimes be viscious). So, I thought I had found myself a nice little loophole for eating vegan and saving myself the sermons of non-believing German relatives. I appear to be lactose intolerant, so it is understandable that I would say no to cheese and cheesecake.
I forgot about one thing: lactose-free milk products. I am already getting offers and advice about them. It looks as if I might have to bite the bullet and face the inevitable comments. It took the family a good 4 years to understand that fish are not vegetables. For them, not drinking milk or eating cheese is next to being a hardened criminal. The Germans had a lot of hungry years after the war, and the consumption of pork has become almost a national symbol of recovery. The more pork, the happier! (except for the pigs).
Cuddly vegans are more than welcome to comment!
I forgot about one thing: lactose-free milk products. I am already getting offers and advice about them. It looks as if I might have to bite the bullet and face the inevitable comments. It took the family a good 4 years to understand that fish are not vegetables. For them, not drinking milk or eating cheese is next to being a hardened criminal. The Germans had a lot of hungry years after the war, and the consumption of pork has become almost a national symbol of recovery. The more pork, the happier! (except for the pigs).
Cuddly vegans are more than welcome to comment!
Monday, February 22, 2010
One step forward
For several months, I have been suffering from stomach pains. Nothing really serious, but enough to make me feel uncomfortable. While wasting time instead of writing my next essay for the OU looking on the internet, I realized it may have to do with the massive amounts of dairy products that have crept into my diet. It was time to try life as a vegan.
I've been a vegetarian for almost 20 years, and have flirted with becoming a vegan for the past year. Last summer, we visited a dairy farm in Michigan. Don't worry, I don't have any tragic stories about evil farmers and cows being kept in tiny pens. The cows were actually treated quite well - they all had names, got fresh food, and got to spend time out to pasture. BUT, one question would not leave my mind while saying hello to all of the ladies. Where are the boys? That was the first time it really hit home that my dairy consumption was in a way supporting the slaughter of male calves (bulls? calves don't seem to merit that masculine sounding name!). The same thought then started to creep in about the roosters . . . does my egg consumption contribute to the nugget factories by default?
The yucky tummy thing and the "boy questions" made it easy for me to give up dairy and eggs for a few days to test it out. The coward (and glutton) in me has been reluctant to go vegan, because let's face it - vegans are even more freak show than vegetarians. My German family already thinks I am crazy - can I really take it up a notch without being attacked? I know, I shouldn't care what other people think or say, but sometime it is simply exhausting always being the one considered to be "a problem".
The thing is, after two days dairy free, I felt fabulous. My skin glowed and my mood was fantastic. Could this really be due to giving up dairy? It was easy to test this theory - and my personal scientific experiment began. We had several packages of (really yummy and really expensive) raclette cheese in the fridge, set to expire this weekend. For the sake of science, I invited some friends over for a raclette dinner and enjoyed the smelly, fatty cheese, knowing it might be my last.
Well, internet friends. I went to bed with a slightly rumbly tummy, and woke up to extreme stomach pain, with all the fixin's. So, now I am allowed to be vegan because of lactose intolerance, not for being a batshit crazy treehugging foreigner.
I've been a vegetarian for almost 20 years, and have flirted with becoming a vegan for the past year. Last summer, we visited a dairy farm in Michigan. Don't worry, I don't have any tragic stories about evil farmers and cows being kept in tiny pens. The cows were actually treated quite well - they all had names, got fresh food, and got to spend time out to pasture. BUT, one question would not leave my mind while saying hello to all of the ladies. Where are the boys? That was the first time it really hit home that my dairy consumption was in a way supporting the slaughter of male calves (bulls? calves don't seem to merit that masculine sounding name!). The same thought then started to creep in about the roosters . . . does my egg consumption contribute to the nugget factories by default?
The yucky tummy thing and the "boy questions" made it easy for me to give up dairy and eggs for a few days to test it out. The coward (and glutton) in me has been reluctant to go vegan, because let's face it - vegans are even more freak show than vegetarians. My German family already thinks I am crazy - can I really take it up a notch without being attacked? I know, I shouldn't care what other people think or say, but sometime it is simply exhausting always being the one considered to be "a problem".
The thing is, after two days dairy free, I felt fabulous. My skin glowed and my mood was fantastic. Could this really be due to giving up dairy? It was easy to test this theory - and my personal scientific experiment began. We had several packages of (really yummy and really expensive) raclette cheese in the fridge, set to expire this weekend. For the sake of science, I invited some friends over for a raclette dinner and enjoyed the smelly, fatty cheese, knowing it might be my last.
Well, internet friends. I went to bed with a slightly rumbly tummy, and woke up to extreme stomach pain, with all the fixin's. So, now I am allowed to be vegan because of lactose intolerance, not for being a batshit crazy treehugging foreigner.
One step back
Crap. I finally got further information on the art group that I was supposed to lead - including the fact that the hourly wage is 9 Euros less than what I get at a similar gig near to my house.
Am I getting to be a snob, or am I getting to be a realist? I do not want to travel for 30 minutes each way to teach for 90 minutes for a frighteningly shabby rate. Can I afford to say no, for the sake of experience?
What is really frightening is that this is how German schools are tackling education in the afternoons. They are paying people LESS THAN A GOOD BABYSITTER to work with large groups of kids. No wonder the last person gave up the job. I am not entirely sure why (personal disappointment, bruised ego, worries about money, worries about the German education system) but this breaks my heart.
Back to square one.
Am I getting to be a snob, or am I getting to be a realist? I do not want to travel for 30 minutes each way to teach for 90 minutes for a frighteningly shabby rate. Can I afford to say no, for the sake of experience?
What is really frightening is that this is how German schools are tackling education in the afternoons. They are paying people LESS THAN A GOOD BABYSITTER to work with large groups of kids. No wonder the last person gave up the job. I am not entirely sure why (personal disappointment, bruised ego, worries about money, worries about the German education system) but this breaks my heart.
Back to square one.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
The Consequences of Fear
Ok - my last post was about my background. You can see that I already edited a bit.
The truth is (*gulp*) that almost all of my past career choices have been made out of some kind of fear. I took the HR job at the big Japanese electronics company because I didn't believe in myself enough to make a living doing what I love. Yes, I did learn to love the job, but mostly because of the people.
It was the same thing at my last job. My job at the electronics company was moved to the UK. I panicked and took the first job offer I got, despite my gut telling me that it was a bit odd. Slowly, I took on more and more work, finally ending up to the Head of HR, although this had never been my goal (look up the Peter principle).
Over the past 10 years, I have forgotten the reasons for moving to Germany - to have more time to enjoy life, to have easy access to a whole world of culture. I had always meant to live small, within my means. Now, I have a mortgage. I'm still unemployed, although I have some great teaching assignments lined up for the fall. Money has to come from somewhere, but I am hesitant to fall back on fear as the basis of all of my decisions. Coming back to the original question of this blog - how can one lead a fulfilling, creative life and still be able to be a productive member of society?
This really inspires me - it is the site and blog of a woman that I met in college. We had several classes together, and often got to talking. She was very interested in animal rights and eating responsibly, and had just switched to veganism. Our conversations got me to thinking and realized that vegetarianism was the right path for me. If her name wasn't so unusual, I probably would have forgotten it altogether. Some random search for a recipe or health information lead me to her website. Almost twenty years later, I find that she has dedicated her life and her career to her beliefs and abilities to teach - and she looks and sounds absolutely amazing. I have just a tinge of regret when I look at her amazing site - what could I have achieved if I had believed in myself back then? The only way to find out is to start NOW. . .
The truth is (*gulp*) that almost all of my past career choices have been made out of some kind of fear. I took the HR job at the big Japanese electronics company because I didn't believe in myself enough to make a living doing what I love. Yes, I did learn to love the job, but mostly because of the people.
It was the same thing at my last job. My job at the electronics company was moved to the UK. I panicked and took the first job offer I got, despite my gut telling me that it was a bit odd. Slowly, I took on more and more work, finally ending up to the Head of HR, although this had never been my goal (look up the Peter principle).
Over the past 10 years, I have forgotten the reasons for moving to Germany - to have more time to enjoy life, to have easy access to a whole world of culture. I had always meant to live small, within my means. Now, I have a mortgage. I'm still unemployed, although I have some great teaching assignments lined up for the fall. Money has to come from somewhere, but I am hesitant to fall back on fear as the basis of all of my decisions. Coming back to the original question of this blog - how can one lead a fulfilling, creative life and still be able to be a productive member of society?
This really inspires me - it is the site and blog of a woman that I met in college. We had several classes together, and often got to talking. She was very interested in animal rights and eating responsibly, and had just switched to veganism. Our conversations got me to thinking and realized that vegetarianism was the right path for me. If her name wasn't so unusual, I probably would have forgotten it altogether. Some random search for a recipe or health information lead me to her website. Almost twenty years later, I find that she has dedicated her life and her career to her beliefs and abilities to teach - and she looks and sounds absolutely amazing. I have just a tinge of regret when I look at her amazing site - what could I have achieved if I had believed in myself back then? The only way to find out is to start NOW. . .
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
A bit of background - Part One
After losing my job last year, I have spent a lot of time exploring what my next career step should be daydreaming about what to do next. It was pretty obvious that I needed a change. After finishing my master's degree, I moved to Germany. I'd studied in Berlin for several years, and the lifestyle was attractive. I knew thought that if I stayed in DC, I could have found a museum or gallery job to keep my head above water. I figured I could do the same in Berlin - but with guaranteed healthcare and 6 weeks vacation.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Observation
Why is it that kids won't eat "the same thing as last night," but they will eat anything if you call it "PARADE OF LEFTOVERS!!!"?
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Viva Colonia!
The German tradition of "Karneval" has always been a mystery to me. National public television features hours of footage of amateur Karneval festivities consisting of fright wigs, poor skits and cheap jokes. Bands play a seemingly endless stream of corny songs - and everyone in the studio audience sings along, swaying from side to side. Quite frankly, until this year, I found this a bizarre national dork-fest.
This year, the dorks have won me over. Maybe my creative journey has made me more open - somehow, I have gained respect and admiration for hundreds of people behaving silly. The performers are amateur, which is reflected in the product. But, these are people that spend months writing and rehearsing their own scripts, sewing their own (often quite strange and oddly-colorful) costumes and constructing elaborate sets. They are willing to make complete asses of themselves on national television. What would the world be like if everyone was willing to take that kind of risk? What if everyone did their best, worked with their neighbors and friends to make a product, and had fun with it, no matter how it turned out? What would happen if audiences clapped and cheered for their hard working friends, even if the performance was less than perfect?
That is definitely a world I would like to be a part of (even if I still don't want to watch it on tv). Too bad it is only possible for one week of the year, and heavy alcohol consumption is required.
This year, the dorks have won me over. Maybe my creative journey has made me more open - somehow, I have gained respect and admiration for hundreds of people behaving silly. The performers are amateur, which is reflected in the product. But, these are people that spend months writing and rehearsing their own scripts, sewing their own (often quite strange and oddly-colorful) costumes and constructing elaborate sets. They are willing to make complete asses of themselves on national television. What would the world be like if everyone was willing to take that kind of risk? What if everyone did their best, worked with their neighbors and friends to make a product, and had fun with it, no matter how it turned out? What would happen if audiences clapped and cheered for their hard working friends, even if the performance was less than perfect?
That is definitely a world I would like to be a part of (even if I still don't want to watch it on tv). Too bad it is only possible for one week of the year, and heavy alcohol consumption is required.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Inspiration Board
One of the smartest things I have ever done is to marry a very handy man with lots of power tools. A few weeks ago, he turned half of my office wall into a giant bulletin board - with plenty of room for me to put up lots of fabric swatches. This is a great way for me to get a feel of what is in my stash and what might go together. The little owls on the bottom right are the first products created from it.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Giggity Gig! (and existential questions of motherhood and employment)
It may be more correctly called miniscule than small. Still, it's a start.
I have been asked to teach art. For 90 minutes per week. For little money, a long-ish drive, and not the brightest students.
Still, I am pretty pleased about this. Finally, an opportunity to see if this the path I want to follow for the next few years. For a while, I thought that sorting out a work schedule to coordinate with German pre-school and daycare hours was a nightmare. Now I know that the real nightmare starts when Little Guy goes to school. Not only are the hours crazy (unless you pay for additional time), the kids have several blocks of vacation - not just 6 weeks in summer, but 2 in Fall, 2 at Christmas, 2 at Easter, and in some regions, 2 in the winter. No employers that I have ever heard of can let their employees repeatedly drop everything at various times of the year to stay home with their kids. I am sure that there are ways of coordinating around this. We could swap with other parents, we could beg the relatives, we could sign LG up for various camps and workshops. The truth is, I don't want to do that. I really like him. I want to spend some time with him while he is small. Don't get me wrong, I love working and cannot imagine being a 100% stay at home mom (lots of respect to them!). But, I am tired of shuffling my kid around - as past years of too many business trips and overtime have proven - he isn't really up to it. We all like each other much more when we have a little bit of time to breath and have fun together.
So, I now have a 90 minute job in the area that I actually studied in 15 years ago. The schedule fits with LG's. I am hardly likely to get rich, but somehow I still feel like my life is worth a zillion bucks.
I have been asked to teach art. For 90 minutes per week. For little money, a long-ish drive, and not the brightest students.
Still, I am pretty pleased about this. Finally, an opportunity to see if this the path I want to follow for the next few years. For a while, I thought that sorting out a work schedule to coordinate with German pre-school and daycare hours was a nightmare. Now I know that the real nightmare starts when Little Guy goes to school. Not only are the hours crazy (unless you pay for additional time), the kids have several blocks of vacation - not just 6 weeks in summer, but 2 in Fall, 2 at Christmas, 2 at Easter, and in some regions, 2 in the winter. No employers that I have ever heard of can let their employees repeatedly drop everything at various times of the year to stay home with their kids. I am sure that there are ways of coordinating around this. We could swap with other parents, we could beg the relatives, we could sign LG up for various camps and workshops. The truth is, I don't want to do that. I really like him. I want to spend some time with him while he is small. Don't get me wrong, I love working and cannot imagine being a 100% stay at home mom (lots of respect to them!). But, I am tired of shuffling my kid around - as past years of too many business trips and overtime have proven - he isn't really up to it. We all like each other much more when we have a little bit of time to breath and have fun together.
So, I now have a 90 minute job in the area that I actually studied in 15 years ago. The schedule fits with LG's. I am hardly likely to get rich, but somehow I still feel like my life is worth a zillion bucks.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Excuses, excuses
Reading Keri Smith's list of "How to be Miserable as an Artist" has reminded me of a number of my cop-outs for not creating. Even blogging gets stopped by comparing myself to others. There are so many damn blogs out there, and so many really fantastic ones written by creative, dynamic women who (seem to) have their lives in order, I am reluctant to take mine seriously. There is that tiny tickle at the back of my head that says "I could be the next Dooce!" - and kindof knowing that I am not going to have millions of followers (and lovers and haters) within a month seems to burst my bubble quite effectively.
So, here goes. It is ok if I just write because it is good for me and I enjoy it. It doesn't matter if noone reads it. Note to self: Hi there, reader! One is a wonderful number!
So, here goes. It is ok if I just write because it is good for me and I enjoy it. It doesn't matter if noone reads it. Note to self: Hi there, reader! One is a wonderful number!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Inspiration from the blogosphere
Although the internet is my time-sucker number 1, it is also the source of some amazing stuff. Looking at sites like these make me feel like I am definitely not alone on my journey and that maybe what I am looking for is not where I expect it (note to self: keep looking!).
Insight on the many blocks to creativity
Keri Smith's creativity and guerilla art guide (love it!)
Keri's 100 Ideas to get the creative juices flowing
Insight on the many blocks to creativity
Keri Smith's creativity and guerilla art guide (love it!)
Keri's 100 Ideas to get the creative juices flowing
An excerpt from Keri's Artist's Survival Kit (hope it is ok that I linked this. This has so much truth to it!)
Blocks are for Stumbling AND Building
True to my normal attention span, I blogged a few times, got distracted, then stopped. This is pretty much the same story with my painting, printmaking, writing, etc.
Several months on from my first blogs, I am proud to say that I am finally keeping up my commitment to returning to a creative lifestyle. Maybe this is because I have lowered my standards for myself - slowly, I have accepted that I may never be the next big new thing, or that I may never generate a masterpiece. The main thing is, I am having fun. Fun - who woulda thunk it?
I have been busy making all sorts of things - mostly small and decorative, which I would have dismissed with a sneer during my art school days. This weekend, we dedicated a whole day to art. I dragged out all of my brushes, paints, gadgets and papers. Together, we messed around with color and form. The resulting work (after 15 years of NOT painting) were very mediocre, but I felt energized after the day. My husband felt energized after the day. An artist friend who is suffering from lack of funding felt energized after that day. The entire living area looked like a disaster, there were curls of carved wood in every corner, there were paint smears in strange places, and somehow Mani managed to slice holes in both his pants and t-shirt, but we all glowed with the energy of it all. And, most importantly, our son saw that we take the time to do the things that mean something to us and make us who we are.
Several months on from my first blogs, I am proud to say that I am finally keeping up my commitment to returning to a creative lifestyle. Maybe this is because I have lowered my standards for myself - slowly, I have accepted that I may never be the next big new thing, or that I may never generate a masterpiece. The main thing is, I am having fun. Fun - who woulda thunk it?
I have been busy making all sorts of things - mostly small and decorative, which I would have dismissed with a sneer during my art school days. This weekend, we dedicated a whole day to art. I dragged out all of my brushes, paints, gadgets and papers. Together, we messed around with color and form. The resulting work (after 15 years of NOT painting) were very mediocre, but I felt energized after the day. My husband felt energized after the day. An artist friend who is suffering from lack of funding felt energized after that day. The entire living area looked like a disaster, there were curls of carved wood in every corner, there were paint smears in strange places, and somehow Mani managed to slice holes in both his pants and t-shirt, but we all glowed with the energy of it all. And, most importantly, our son saw that we take the time to do the things that mean something to us and make us who we are.
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